Yes, coming from me, for those who know me, that may sound crazy. I have been a loner much of this last 18 months that I have been a digital nomad. And yes. I needed that solitude, and I still enjoy my solitude, my “me” time very much, in fact, I crave it!
During this time that I have been traveling and visiting family, friends and making new ones, I have not been completely alone. I have cherished so much the time with old friends that I have not seen in nearly 20 years. I have made some amazing new friends and spent quality time with family and other friends that I have not always been able to previously.
These relationships are vital to me! My children, my grands, my family, my “extended/adopted” family, close friends, new friends…. they all have a very special places in my heart & soul!
We are social beings, and no matter how much you may think that you do not need anyone or need relationships, we innately do require social interactions. Not all relationships are positive or last long. But they are all synchronicities in our lives for a reason.
Every relationship in our lives is placed there to teach us something to help us expand and grow.
What triggers us in others is a mirror of something that needs to shift or be released in ourselves. This is why we are instructed throughout all ancient teachings not to judge. The Bible says iron sharpens iron.
When we begin to seek out why each and every person is placed in our paths, and we choose to heal that in ourselves, we no longer have anything to judge.
I have learned over the last several years that I had to evaluate my relationships closely. I must choose what I will and will not tolerate in my life. What energy and vibrations someone brings into my field is up to me. I choose to surround myself with higher vibrational relationships.
As we learn and remember who we really are at our core, our soul-self, we come to realize that some relationships no longer serve us or are toxic. Choosing to release those relationships, cut/burn the ties that have bound you to these people can be painful, but necessary.
Let me give a bit of my backstory, as this lesson has not been an easy one for me to learn, it has taken me most of my life, much pain and guilt.
When I was 15 years old I allowed the cycle of abuse to begin in my life.
3 marriages, a few long-term relationships, 10 kids, 12 grands, over 30 years of tolerance and choices to continue to allow men to treat me abusively.
With all that came scarcity mindset, guilt for how my children were raised and the environments I allowed them to be exposed to. Children with trauma and emotional issues, criminal histories, additions and learning disabilities all led to deep-seated guilt, shame and years of believing I was not enough.
In the last decade, I also have watched the effects of my choices trickle down to my grands, some who have or have had absent fathers, early childhood trauma and the emotional effects of that.
Obviously, it took me a lifetime to recognize that I was a victim, to finally burn that mindset, heal and release the emotions, wounds, feelings, etc. I repeated the victim cycle so often, for so many years I had no idea what it was like to not be a victim. I did not even know how to survive.
But I had children, my life-my world. For me, they were the only choice. I consistently attempted to keep going, to better our lives. I failed myself & them so many times.
But failure is only failure if you stop getting back up.
What I have learned in the last few years
I AM ENOUGH!
I am perfectly imperfect.
Everything that made me, me, was perfect.
- I can only make choices from what I know.
- Life is what we make it.
- We make choices, we live the consequences.
- We learn. We live. We choose.
So what does all that have to do with relationships?
I chose my relationships. I chose to allow them in my field. I chose to tolerate abuse.
I chose to be blind to the lessons I needed to learn and move on.
I chose to believe I was the savior, that I could change another person.
I chose nearly a lifetime of losing me, not speaking my truth, not even knowing or believing my truth.
What do I now choose?
I choose to believe that I AM ENOUGH.
I choose to scrutinize every single relationship, every single connection, every single moment of my life.
- Does this serve me?
- Does this help me expand?
- What is the gain? The loss?
- What is the lesson in this moment?
I choose to step back when someone triggers me and ask myself, “What is this trying to teach me?”
I choose to burn the bounds created by relationships that no longer serve me.
I choose to boldly stand in the mirror of myself, in others and see without judgment where I need to heal myself.
I choose to call in the high vibrational relationships that will take me to the next level.
I love you. I see you. You are enough.